Compassion

My mom was telling me about a woman at her church that has suffered from infertility for 5 years with no pregnancies at all. They were at a meeting and the woman said she didn't care if she died because her husband would be fine and move on. She had no kids counting on her. Another woman at the meeting didn't understand her feeling of giving up. She had no compassion for her depression. I was talking with my parents about it. My Dad said that most people think that if someone can't have kids just get over it and move on. I couldn't believe that statement.
Maybe if a doctor told you specifically "You will not be able to have kids" than yeah you could move on. But most of us are told there's no reason for your infertility and you're left thinking every month could be "the" month. I told my Dad it's kind of like having your child kidnapped as opposed to being murdered. If your child is kidnapped you're left with no closure. Every day you wonder if you will have your child back in your life or if you will be left childless. You can't move on. If you're child was murdered than you know your child won't be coming home and you can get that closure and move on.
My miscarriages were hard on me. However, the month after month, year after year of "trying to conceive" is infinitely harder on me. The roller coaster of emotions that you are put through can bring even the toughest of us down.
I myself have driven home from work some nights and thought about driving into a tree to end it all. But always no matter how bad things are if I can make it through that day the next day isn't as bad. Then I can focus on my blessings. At least I have a very strong marriage. I am in love with my husband and if we don't have kids than I'll at least be the very best wife for my husband. I'll be the greatest aunt for my nieces and nephews.
All that I've ever wanted in life is to be a wife and a mother. I had no career aspirations because I wanted to be a stay at home mom. So in order to get out of my depression and not focus so much on "having a baby" I had to find other goals in my life. I'm a graphic designer so I have an idea of starting a website to make unique t-shirt designs for people to upload they're photos into the design. I'm learning how to take photos as a hobby with my husband. That's definitely helped me not be so obsessed with baby making and knowing that I will have a good life even if it doesn't turn out how I planned it.